


Looping

by wh4t4sh4me



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, S1e07, Time Travel, many ways to die in space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 11:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12581232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wh4t4sh4me/pseuds/wh4t4sh4me
Summary: Stamets is focused on saving the Discovery since he is the only one aboard to know what is going on.There are a few loops however, that he can't simply brush off.---A gap filler for ep.7...





	Looping

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for grammar. If you spot mistakes, please point them out to me!
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: OMG you guys! Thank you for all the nice comments!! I can't even!!!

The devil is in the detail and hell lies in repetition.  
.  
..  
…

„Where is Mudd now?”

“Now is usually the time around he kills the captain.”

Paul sees the turmoil in Burnham’s eyes, the disbelief expressed through the slight shaking of her head. She still struggles to make out whether he has gone crazy and he can't blame her for that.  
It particularly gets hard to tell apart between the here and now and the memories from all the other versions of the Discovery, all gone now, blown up in what has to be different dimensions.  
So many.  
Doesn't matter.  
Mudd’s advancing further and further.  
And the Tardigrade DNA in him makes him the most qualified to stop the man.

Paul closes his eyes as the rumbling gets closer. The explosion travels so fast in the narrow corridors. He hears Michael gasp and feels sorry for the fear she is feeling, because for her this is altogether new. Again.

He thinks of Hugh as the heatwave reaches him and the rivets are launched out of the ship’s walls like bullets. Lorca hasn't given into the blackmail. Again.

…  
..  
.  
..  
…

The captain is Mudd’s main target for some reason - and sure, the man is an asshole.  
Paul expects someone like Lorca to have many enemies, especially in times like this. But what did he do to Mudd to deserve being killed over and over in the most gruesome ways?

.

In the beginning Paul tried to stop him, before he realised that whatever he has to do, whatever plan he will come up with against Harry Mudd, it will have to work without Lorca.  
It takes too much time to convince his suspicious superior.  
Except when it's too late, he gets killed, the loop nearly is at its end point and Mudd restarts it by blowing up the ship again.

Mudd always seeks him out first; Lorca is practically running around with a neon-coloured target on his back. It takes Paul a few attempts before he accepts that. It pains him more than he is willing to admit.

Lorca always tries to save him and those around them.  
.  
..  
…  
The captain grabs his waist before he can be pulled out of a hull breach as the ship breaks in two.  
.  
..  
…  
He shoves Paul behind him, getting between his science officer and the approaching wall of flames in what can only be described as an ridiculous attempt to shield him.  
.  
.  
Mudd left and Paul kneels beside the nearly dead captain on the floor of Deck 3 when he finally has to acknowledge that he can’t do anything to keep his commanding officer from being killed.  
Or to get him to believe the gravity of their situation in time.

Lorca looks at him, heaving, unable to speak. The end of the loop is approaching and it can only be a matter of seconds before their intruder takes the necessary steps to restarts it.  
Paul stays calm, awaiting the inevitable. He has to bring Burnham into this, has to get one step ahead of Mudd.  
“Thank you.” he says and sees Lorca’s eyes narrow slightly in confusion.  
Even with a gaping wound from a Bat'leth in his stomach, the man manages to look irritated. As always when he doesn't know what Paul means and demands a less cryptic explanation.  
He doesn't get one this time though.  
Paul thinks of the last loop; how the immense cold from the breach teared at his skin, the strong suction of the escaping oxygen and Lorca screaming, holding onto the handrail with one arm while keeping the other clamped around Paul's waist.  
Futile resistance, of course.  
They both got pulled out into the silent dark vacuum, spiralling between the Discovery’s debris.  
Paul watched with morbid fascination born out of the complete unreality of the situation how ice crystals began to spread over Lorca’s uniform, sugar-coating his hair, skin and eyes.  
His body began to swell as the water in it started to vaporise due to an absence of atmospheric pressure.  
Paul remained conscious for a second longer, maybe having more oxygen in his blood for whatever reason. The last thing he felt was how the moisture on his tongue began to boil and he contemplated whether Hugh would disapprove of the captain still holding onto his belt as they both died. Again.

That memory still engraved in his brain, he grabs the hand of the present Lorca being certain that he can't make a difference for him, or the ship or anyone in this loop, so where is the harm in comforting a dying man?  
Also, Lorca will not remember. But he will. And he searches for a way to get rid of the guilt nagging a him, because the Captain will most certainly die many times over at Mudd’s hands before they find a way to stop him.  
He thinks about where to find Burnham patting the other mans hand lightly.  
“You'll have to endure it, Sir.”  
A sudden tremor lets the floor vibrate.  
Lorca's head turns, looking past him, eyes lit up by the approaching, roaring flames. The confusion in his face is replaced by utter horror and he reflexively grabs onto Paul's hand harder, squeezing it painfully.  
Paul was prepared for the heat of the explosion, but not for the other mans fingernails digging into his palm. - He actually yelps before the loop begins anew in an all consuming white flash.  
.  
..  
…  
..  
.  
Although he thinks about Hugh, he tries not to.  
In his mind, the medical station exists outside of every dimension he lived through, a safe space, untouched by the loop and Hugh is just…doing his thing.  
Helping people.  
Comforting children with scraped knees.  
The idea of him standing in sick bay, unsuspecting, typing on a data pad, unaware of what is going on before everything…  
No.  
The image of the white walls beginning to shake, before the burning air reaches the door and the last look of utter confusion on his partners face is enough to make him stumble in his steps.  
Paul stops in the middle of the corridor, squeezing his eyes shut. Star Fleet officers are forced to circumnavigate around him, looking him irritated up and down.  
He forces himself to carry on, not really surprised by the tears that run down his face, which make the bright clinical lights sway as he begins to jog.  
He needs to remind himself that none of the things he remembers has ever happened, technically.  
…It's the first time he finds, that a not so small part of himself thinks his bond with the mycelium spores as something undesirable.  
He is tired of explaining himself over and over again to the same people.  
He is tired of dying.  
He is tired of seeing them die.  
However, he never gets in the near of the sick bay.  
.  
..  
…  
The repetitions are beginning to mess with his head. He is no longer sure to whom he mentioned what and in which loop. Also, everything changes, but just ever so slightly as Mudd proceeds and he finds himself struggling to keep focused.  
.  
He cries out angrily, pulling at his hair as he fails to convince Burnham and she insists on sending him to get medical aid.  
…She tackles him down when he tries to get away and he hasn't got the will or power to fight her, resigning into his fate. Precious time gone to waste.  
She helps him up, keeping a firm grip on his elbow. He just got to his feet when Mudd makes his presence known to everyone else, using the ship-wide channel.- A new tactic, apparently.  
He has Lorca at gun point and Burnham inhales sharply beside him, staring at the screen on the corridor wall.  
Only Paul can merely roll his eyes at the dramatic threads their captor utters and doesn't fail to notice that Mudd seems to have some favourite phrases, he uses time and time again. Like someone enthusiastically telling an unfunny joke over and over again to the same frightened audience.

“Do you believe me now?”  
He turns to Burnham, determined to make the best of the situation. When he sees a white-clad figure storming around the next corner his heart drops to his knees however. He remembers which deck they are currently on.

“We got to go! Now!” he says, urgency in his voice.

“How does he know of the spore drive?” Burnham asks, still looking at the screen, brows furrowed, clearly alarmed. “…Lieutenant, how many times have we been in this situation?”

“Doesn't matter, you ask that every time!” He pulls at her arm, impatiently, but it's to late.  
Hugh has spotted him.  
Paul wants to turn away, hide somewhere but can only watch as his partner approaches him quickly, nearly running.  
This is not good. He needs to get away from here, from him, before…  
“No!” Hugh says, as soon as he reaches him, grabbing his shoulders. “No!” He looks furious.  
Paul just swallows dryly, but apparently that just proves something to Hugh because he shakes the scientist heavily, emphasising his words. “You will not. Go up there. This damn spore drive is not worth your live!”

Mudd seems to gets impatient on the bridge, ruffling the stone-faced captain’s hair, phaser pressed to the shell of his ear. He once more demands the science officers of the ship to give him access to the machine room. But as always there is this lighthearted nuance in his tone and words, one could interpret as slightly insane. The jokes. The phrases.  
Paul knows, it's because the man is not running out of possibilities to get to them for a long time.

“Paul!” 

Hugh tries to get his attention but he can't bring himself to look directly at him. Because then he would have to see that look, this frightened confusion.  
This is what he has been afraid of all along.

“…I'm not going to the bridge.”

He takes Hugh's hands from his shoulders, still not meeting his eyes and turns to Burnham. “It's too late this time. But we will find a way around him.”  
The woman seems to think, eyes flicking back and forth between Paul and the screen image. She doesn't say anything, but seems to understand and nods slowly.

He grabs his partners hands and pulls him away from the screen when Mudd pulls the trigger and turns Lorca into a red cloud. 

“Oops. My finger twitched. Well, better luck next time, Gabriel. Or not.”

Hugh looks around as Mudd’s voice comes out of the speakers, much too loud to be pleasant.  
His face is a mask of disgust and terror. 

“Who is this lunatic? And how did he manage to… The Captain...! We need to…!”

Paul pulls him closer, hugging him tightly. Hugh freezes before he tries to free himself.  
“I…I need to go to the sick bay. They'll need me there. You are fine, I know that now, I…”

“Do you trust me?”

It costs him so much energy to bring out the words. So much. He is not prepared for what is about to come next, his thoughts shy away from it.

“Yes…Of course, I…”

“Okay. I love you.” 

Paul lifts his head and arms and puts them around a still very much confused Hugh, pulling him to his chest, effectively shielding his view.  
This.  
There is nothing that he fears more.

Somehow, his chest feels incredible hollow and he grabs Hugh's uniform at the back, suddenly shuddering, keeping his partners head buried in the front of his own uniform.

A dull thumb, far away.  
The ship vibrates.

He notices how Hugh seems to realise something and slowly is returning the embrace and as the rumbling and the screams approach, his grip on Paul only gets tighter.  
…  
..  
.  
.  
He spends the first ten minutes of the following loop sitting on the floor, looking without seeing anything.  
…Yes, as days go.  
This is a weird one.  
  
He begins to laugh hysterically at the understatement, while he still feels the hollowness in his chest that the former loop has left there.  
He gets up, collecting his thoughts.  
Burnham should still be at the party.  
Now, Paul, let's try to not look too crazy this time. We'll convince her.  
You only saw your loved one die in an explosion moments ago. Nothing earth-shattering, since everything is back to normal. Again.  
His laugh stops, fades to a giggle and he has to fight back tears.  
He now has serious troubles convincing himself that what he saw didn't happen in reality. This, his current reality.  
And that is everything that counts, …or isn't it?  
.  
.  
.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading y'all!  
> ...  
> I feel like I should write a second part from Lorca's perspective named "So many ways to die in space"


End file.
